The drug for choice for under 5's

[leaseholdanswers]

I had a call this afternoon from a site concierge office from a temp who was at her wits end. A resident was furious that after having flown back in this morning was trying to get some rest but was being disturbed by residents above.

The concierge replayed a recording of what sounded like the Tanzanian wildebeast migrations.

As the flat above is social housing ( the inevitable mixed tenancies in London) and is a family unit, her approach was rebuffed with a what do you expect and an invitation to copulate with herself.

They are ignoring my shaming of the social housing partner to stump up towards the secure play area for children, paid for by everybody ( nb the only family units are social housing) and a screened area for those who want the world to be like 6 AD, but with the mod cons and benefits.

I happened to be nearby and Mrs LHA set about cheering up the poor temp ( she is fantastic in that way) and I wandered up to loom with my Corporal Carrot persona.

Expecting to be presented with the cast of CCTV police nasty, I was met with a family fronted by several angelic under 5's literally shuddering on the spot eyes bugging out as they sucked like a vacuum on the capri sun in their hands and all clutching a chocolate bar or haribo bag.

Given their size it would be like one of us drinking a 2 liter Pepsi max and eating a sack of Mars bars, and being surprised at the outcome.

As above, charm was deployed "do you children want play in the nice gardens"? reply "Yes!!!!" and much to the displeasure of the family they had to take them out and play in the sun.

And yet as they tore around in a sugar and E something something colouring induced frenzy,the experts say that it does not affect children. Nor, those experts say, is there any need for concern about some of our communities lifestyles and it's effects on children. At least today they got some sun exercise and play and burnt the excess off.

I suspect the experts either don't have children, rarely see them as they are in the care of Grazyna from Lithuania, away at a private school, or so repressed that they are tearing off butterfly wings and being mini Dexters.

Good deed done I am hoping that Mrs LHA will let me eat at least one Mars bar.

What are my chances anyone?

[mind the gap]

I think the drug of choice for under 5s is screens of one kind or another.

I have decorated a room round 5 TV-gawping children on a sofa before now; the only time they noticed me was when I moved their sofa a bit to get at the ceiling above it. A few yelps of protest... which quickly subsided as their favourite advert came on.

[Snorkerz]

I think the drug of choice for under 5s is screens of one kind or another.

I have decorated a room round 5 TV-gawping children on a sofa before now; the only time they noticed me was when I moved their sofa a bit to get at the ceiling above it. A few yelps of protest... which quickly subsided as their favourite advert came on.

Tell me you covered them in a see-through dust-sheet! I'd have been tempted to draw funny faces on it. Mind you, I'm not right today

[mind the gap]

Tell me you covered them in a see-through dust-sheet! I'd have been tempted to draw funny faces on it. Mind you, I'm not right today

Ha! No, but they all suffered a mild dose of residual spray in Cotton White from my sheepskin paint-roller...looks a bit like bad dandruff. They didn't mind.