View Full Version : Essex Girls

16-08-2007, 15:17 PM
Just for fun.....no offence intended...:D

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How
many children?" asks the council worker "10" replies the Essex girl
"10???" says the council worker.. "What are their names?" "Wayne,
Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne"

Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out
playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY
or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
council worker.

"That's easy," says the girl... "I just use their surnames"


An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment
on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress."
she says. "Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear. "No" she
replies. "This time it's mayonnaise."


Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.

The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

She says "I'll take the red one."

The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."


An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some

Girl: "OK"

Medic: "What's your name?"

Girl: "Sharon."

Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"

Sharon: "Yes."

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Sharon: "Romford, mate."


An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was
her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the
news that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be

"It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of


Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till

she's lying flat out on the floor.

Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."

Sharon: "Ok."

Medic: "Ok the how many fingers am I putting up?"

Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralyzed from the waist down!"


An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl
notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing.
She says,

"Scuse me mate, I aint being fanny or nuffink, but why doz one of your

wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it ?

So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,
"Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for

me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot"

"Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave
got C&A on them.


The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a
great chest you have." He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite,

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you
have. "The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the
apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He
catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after
I saw how short the fuse was.

16-08-2007, 15:32 PM
You're living dangerously! Run away quickly, hide, and prepare for the complaints!

16-08-2007, 15:48 PM
I know...I am playing with fire ! lol

18-08-2007, 16:16 PM
I liked them, am in practice to be a 60 year old Essex girl when the Cornish Caf is sold (will it ever end) Going off to live near the Grandchildren in Essex and have bought white handbag and white stilletos, must wear them with black stockings of course, By the by keep seeing LOL what does it mean !!. Nee from a very wet Cornwall.

18-08-2007, 20:06 PM
That's countyist!!! :D

I'll get my coat..

18-08-2007, 20:07 PM
By the by keep seeing LOL what does it mean !!. Nee from a very wet Cornwall.

Laughing Out Loud ;)

20-08-2007, 15:36 PM
Well thanks for that, not doing any LOL here its still piddling down, good for trade though. Nee.

20-08-2007, 17:53 PM
Hello each and all.

This girl's back in sunny Essex from my hols.

Have I missed anything?

21-08-2007, 08:51 AM
Hello each and all.

This girl's back in sunny Essex from my hols.

Have I missed anything?

If you were in Jamaica, yes- thank goodness.

22-08-2007, 14:23 PM
no complaints from me - highly amusing on a boring weds pm!!

LOL - could mean lots of love???