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KittyKat
15-12-2010, 12:59 PM
Hello,

I need some help/advise. I am currently living with 3 other males (2 of whom are friends from school and 1 a freind of a friend) We are all sharing a 5 bed house, in our late to mid 20's and working professionals. One of the male T's is an ex partner but we were very cival towards each other and had no qualms about living together having lived previously for a year. We are on a 12 month contract with 6 month break clause (giving 2 months notice of that break).

In the past 2 1/2 months i have been recieving a series of mental abuse and two counts of physical abuse. Unfortuntely none of which has been seen by any of the other T's and he is denying any contact or blaming me. I could write about this forever describing scenario's where he has painted me in such a light that i have 'issues' where he is actually known to have physiatric problems and recieved therapy.

My first abuse was strangulation, however this was provoked by myself in an argument, so i wrote it as a one off. I went to the doctors to get it documented but not enough bruising to invlove police (also not wanting to involve police, i just want to get out). The second abuse was in my room where he tried to force inprison me, again attempt to strangle me and i have split lip and sprains to wrist and legs from him trying to drag me back in after escaping. This was unprovoked violence and a cause of his alcohol problem.

Quite obviously i need to move out however i do need my deposit money to do this. Techinically i cannot hand my notice in until Jan 11th (for move in March 10th) although i fear if i stay there much longer it will happen again. It is not just the physical abuse but the mental abuse that follows and makes my day to day life very hard with my other friends. No one wants to be involved as he is very malicious and devious, intelligent with it.

Please could someone offer advice if there is a legal way, without involving the police, that i can break my own section of the contract and take back my deposit to move out. Baring in mind there is someone who can move in to pay the rent, but not be able to put down a deposit. Im not sure what to do and don't feel i should have to 'deal' or 'put up' with this kind of daily abuse.

Or would this just be a case of the agent/landlord taking acceptional pity? The landlord is aware that he and I were previously engaged.

Please help.

Many Thanks,

Kitty

mind the gap
15-12-2010, 13:22 PM
Are you all on a joint AST agreement or on individual ones?

Interlaken
15-12-2010, 13:23 PM
I feel like going into Judge Judy mode here. Leave - go to a shelter or a relative - I think you would be a police time waster. Ask landlord to take pity by all means but don't compromise your welfare over a deposit!

Conflicted
15-12-2010, 13:29 PM
Hi Kitty,

For starters: you did not provoke strangulation through simply arguing with someone. That is at least ABH. This is not a police time waster situation, nor are you a waste of police time. I cannot advise you on what you should do, but you could go to the police, you might find that helpful. You can get a non-molestation order and have that individual removed from the house.

Next, I would suggest you contact the Rights of Women who give FREE LEGAL ADVICE to women on a range of issues, this being one of them.

http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/legal.php

property mongrel
15-12-2010, 13:31 PM
You know what to do but you don't want to do it, why? You do not provoke someone to strangle you by arguing, is that what he said, it's your fault he strangled you because you argued with him?

So he transfers guilt to you, you blame yourself and do not protect yourself. As far as your LL is concerned, this is your problem.

For your own safety and peace of mind write down all the incidents that have happened thus far and speak to the police. As you share a house this satisfies the criteria for "domestic violence", and is still a high priority for some police areas, meaning positive and immediate intervention.

I am sorry that you are facing this, I have seen the affects.

Please report it and protect yourself.

pm

KittyKat
15-12-2010, 13:33 PM
I havent got a reletive of freinds to go to- I live with them and my parents have no spare room for long- if anything just a couple of days). Other friends/collegues have literally no room for me to stay. Its very awkward. I have extremely little money having it tied in the house and cost of commute to work that there is no way i can put a deposit down on another place. The deposit money is already my fathers so cannot ask for more! Very tricky situation.

Yes it would be a police timewaster- there is not significant bruising or evidence agaisnt him and when he is lying through his back teeth and also saying whilst he does it that no one will believe me. He is very aware of my attempts at recording on my phone and goes for that first.

I am on a joint AST (i believe) all our names are on the contract with joint/split deposit.

He has not put down a deposit (one of the other T's paid his half) and all the bills are in his name too. So he can just walk out and leave us all in trouble.

I understand my welfare comes before deposit money but how can I move on without any money whatsoever. I dont have a problem paying rent or bills but i do with large upfront sums of money.

Ive looked into shelter..but it would be quite traumatic also..i dont think i qualify and i still would need to pay my rent until i break my contract in March?? Also it isnt really any kind of standard of living (this could be argued with what i am recieving now but at least its 'home')

*confused*

Springfields
15-12-2010, 13:36 PM
I think you would be a police time waster.

Why, many women/men, live in violent domestiv situations exactly because of this point of view. OP has a spilt lip and has been physically abused twice.

Make a trip to the police station and also to shelter, this is not an uncommon situation and they will be supportive.

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/domestic_abuse/staying_at_home/getting_the_perpetrator_out

I would suggest making a formal complaint against this man.

KittyKat
15-12-2010, 13:38 PM
Just to clarify above, i do not want him to leave the house as this will cause too much hassle for myself and other housemates with him being the bill payer. etc. Realistically this just isnt going to work... them being more HIS friends over mine.

The doctor already told me that he could not document a case of abuse as there is not enough evidence. I had to make him write a document for my story but it cannot be proven. The police will be able to do nothing and the whole situation will be more traumatising than the incident.

The only way i can see, is for me to leave and thus not creating such an impact on he others not invloved in the house.

property mongrel
15-12-2010, 13:41 PM
You do not know if it would be a police timewaster. Or if indeed you would be wasting police time. Neither does anyone else here, although some think they can predict the future.

Until you decide that you have had enough and want to stop the abuse cycle it will continue, and it will probably get wosre.

No one knows what the police will do to help you, but until you give them the opportunity they will do nothing. On the other hand, if you report this, then he may get arrested and bailed not to return to the address, meaning you get peace at least for a while.

good luck.

pm

jeffrey
15-12-2010, 13:42 PM
But know that, even if you vacate, you'd remain (with him and others) jointly and severally liable for the whole rent. I'd recommend not the Police but a solicitor who deals with matrimonial violence and divorce etc. Do it RIGHT NOW (and ask whether you're eligible for Legal Aid, too).

property mongrel
15-12-2010, 13:43 PM
Your Doctor is wrong. At the end of the day the choice is yours, it's your health.

good luck

pm

KittyKat
15-12-2010, 13:54 PM
Thank you for your replies however I feel some of you are not properly reading or understanding the situation.

Yes i have been a victim of violence mental and physical however it has already been said that it cannot be proven by the doctor. Having a split lip- i could have tripped..there is NO evidence, simply my word against his. Going to the Police will only irritate this situation more for not only myself but housemates and will make the next few months unbareable- as you can imagine.

I need to get out of that house, in the least damaging way to myself, him and others around. I have no money for Solicitors, no freinds to stay with, and a shelter just does not seem feasible when i am not in direct danger (although i guess this could happen at any point again- but will try my hardest to stay away from him. Its quite a big house and we are 4 floors apart)

I understand that i cannot just 'vacate' as i am liable for covering joint rent.

Perhaps i just go to my landlord or agency and explain the situation. I dont want the police invloved as many of you would not want to either. However if i had subsantial bruising and proof i'd be straight there... i am aware of that system from childhood sadly..

KittyKat
15-12-2010, 13:56 PM
How can my doctor be wrong?? I went straight to him the afternoon after the event and there was no bruising to my neck that he could document. He tried his hardest to get anything he could and was extremely sympathetic, however acusing someone of abuse is a strong allegation that needs sufficient evidence other than words between two people.

MrJohnnyB
15-12-2010, 14:00 PM
You are on a joint AST, you cannot easily walk away from your liability without surrender & regranting a new lease to existing tenants, which unless you know of a suitable replacement, maybe slightly tricky.

KittyKat
15-12-2010, 14:04 PM
There is a 4th m T staying with us who would techinically take over myself... but i know that he does not have deposit to cover my deposit if my landlord let me leave before the break of clause date.

So in that respect it's quite handy- but still not any finacially better.. and leaves me with nothing to move out anywhere else. Tricky.

MrJohnnyB
15-12-2010, 14:22 PM
There is a 4th m T staying with us who would techinically take over myself... but i know that he does not have deposit to cover my deposit if my landlord let me leave before the break of clause date.

So in that respect it's quite handy- but still not any finacially better.. and leaves me with nothing to move out anywhere else. Tricky.

Tricky as you say... Have you considered getting a bank loan / overdraft or similar to cover you whilst you are in the transition period between houses?

Interlaken
15-12-2010, 14:24 PM
It could still be worth trying to see if the landlord would release you from your contract - nothing to lose there and he/she might be sympathetic.

MrJohnnyB
15-12-2010, 14:32 PM
It could still be worth trying to see if the landlord would release you from your contract - nothing to lose there and he/she might be sympathetic.

Problem is, from my understanding the contract is between LL & 4 T's not simply individual agreements between all. Obviously LL cannot unilaterally withdraw lease.

KittyKat
15-12-2010, 14:33 PM
I havent considered borrowing money for cover.. this could be an option somehow? I already have an overdraft so would need to increase this.

Interlaken- i think i will need to do this- he seems like a nice man and was sympathetic of the situation when we moved in!! I might just have to bide my time until March and stay as clear of him as i can (extremely difficult when we all socialise together, i will have to change my lifestyle)

Thank you for all your advice above, I just wanted to know if there was any written law that meant I could break my contract and move out due to extreme circumstances.

KittyKat
15-12-2010, 14:35 PM
Mr JB- is he not able to release me?? This is the side of the situation i do not know my rights.

MrJohnnyB
15-12-2010, 14:38 PM
Mr JB- is he not able to release me?? This is the side of the situation i do not know my rights.

You signed an agreement with LL but I had assumed that LL had one agreement with all T's and not invidual agreements with each T. If you have your own agreement which specifically relates to you personally then LL can surrender/do whatever he wants with.

jeffrey
15-12-2010, 14:47 PM
Mr JB- is he not able to release me?? This is the side of the situation i do not know my rights.
Hence I advised (in my last post) how you can ascertain what they are. Stop delaying- act before it gets even worse.

KittyKat
15-12-2010, 15:13 PM
No it's definitly a joint contract with the agency.. I have it here. I will call Landlord in the morning to discuss what can be done and his thoughts. I can't imagine he'd be too ridgid on the circumstance that i am the only female in the house. However i would rather leave than him be evicted. Also i want to leave and not let him know where i am moving to for the best.

Just a small matter of deposit.. fingers crossed he is sympathic.

MrJohnnyB
15-12-2010, 15:22 PM
No it's definitly a joint contract with the agency.. I have it here. I will call Landlord in the morning to discuss what can be done and his thoughts. I can't imagine he'd be too ridgid on the circumstance that i am the only female in the house. However i would rather leave than him be evicted. Also i want to leave and not let him know where i am moving to for the best.

Just a small matter of deposit.. fingers crossed he is sympathic.

As a joint contract imo LL cannot release you from your obligations without prejudicing himself in the event that other T's decide not to pay.

Jennifer
15-12-2010, 15:28 PM
In the meantime, perhaps you could get a personal alarm?

jeffrey
15-12-2010, 15:40 PM
As a joint contract imo LL cannot release you from your obligations without prejudicing himself in the event that other T's decide not to pay.
No. L could release one joint T ('X') from personal obligations- but all the other joint Ts would themselves still have rights of recourse against X.

Conflicted
15-12-2010, 15:46 PM
Kitty,

I mentioned this before. Contact Rights of Women, which is an organisation of women lawyers who give specific and expertise advice on these situations.

http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/legal.php

leaseholdanswers
15-12-2010, 15:53 PM
Kitty,

I mentioned this before. Contact Rights of Women, which is an organisation of women lawyers who give specific and expertise advice on these situations.

http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/legal.php

As per above and post 10 do this urgently. Use your mobile to record ( audio is fine) incidents if you can.

And do speak to the Police to get it on record, and if the GP is not sympathtic, then get another. Damage can occur under the skin without apparent bruising and repeated trauma in those areas show up after brusing clears. But only if they look.

Try never to be alone and use a personal alarm you can get them for £5 to £10 pounds. And in the meantime a new years resolution to get some self defence classes too.

property mongrel
15-12-2010, 16:51 PM
how can my doctor be wrong?? I went straight to him the afternoon after the event and there was no bruising to my neck that he could document. There probably would not be except for a slight reddening in the area where any force had been applied. It takes knowledge and experience of such injury to see what damage and evidence there is, and many well meaning GPs do not have this. That is why going to see the GP after you have been assaulted is not the best course of action. Had you gone to the police then they would have arranged a forensic medical examination by a forensic medical examiner. A Forensic Medical Examiner is a specialist used to dealing with assault injuries, their effects and symptoms. The police would have had pictures taken by a specialist photographer, at the time of reporting and at intervals as any bruising developed. Light presure bruising generally comes out, peaks around 24 to 48 hours post incident.

he tried his hardest to get anything he could and was extremely sympathetic, I am sure he was, and that is good. however acusing someone of abuse is a strong allegation that needs sufficient evidence other than words between two people. I am aware, and had you dealt with this differently you might well be free of the situation by now.



You must do what you want to do, for your own reasons, no matter how it impacts upon you. Maybe you have been given plain wrong or bad advice, but it would be a shame if someone in a similarly abusive relationship read your posts and thought that what you say about "evidence" and "allegations" is correct and they had little or no hope of stopping their cycle of abuse. I understand your situation, I am "getting it" and "reading it" right.

I accept that whatever happens, at the moment you will not take the necessary appropriate and effective action against the aggressor, so I will leave the LL / Tenant law experts to advise you and I will opt out of your thread.

good luck

pm