Toilet humour

[Nic]

Thanks Jeffrey, thats what I was thinking. Just wanted to check that I wasn't being a skinflint lol.

[lorenzo]

How on earth do people do this? It's not as if a toilet bowl is an easy thing to break.

How does it happen? :confused:

[EH11]

[QUOTE=lorenzo;61581]How on earth do people do this? It's not as if a toilet bowl is an easy thing to break.

How does it happen?

amorous tenants perhaps?! :eek:

[jeffrey]

Or is like the Hollywood Bowl?

[justaboutsane]

I broke my other halfs toilet bowl when I first moved in .... I CLEANED it!!! the dirt was holding a crack together! ... I did personally replace it myself though.

[Ericthelobster]

How on earth do people do this? It's not as if a toilet bowl is an easy thing to break.

How does it happen? :confused:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NkOFGlXRRzI

[pcwilkins]

How on earth do people do this? It's not as if a toilet bowl is an easy thing to break.

How does it happen? :confused:

Tenant has an unsuitable diet, perhaps?

Peter

[jeffrey]

You're only supposed to blow the bloody DOORS off.

[bagpuss]

I checked out the YouTube link and this is what they said:

Yeah!! The toilet was blocked and my mate (the guys who drops the cherry bomb in), later told me he couldn't find (read couldn't be bothered) anything to unblock it so decided to 'to take the nuclear option'

After they'd cleaned up the sh*t and the various toilet fragments they left the floor to soak in bleach for 2 days while they sourced and fitted a replacement.

Absolutely fantastic - they have justifiably become urban legends.

Unbelievable!

[bagpuss]

I must admit that as a family we've broken a lot of toilet seats (usually by standing on them to reach things/open windows etc) but we've NEVER managed to break the actual bowl. But I guess there's still time...........:D

[mind the gap]

That's a pity...I was just getting an idea for a sci-fi thriller involving exploding toilets.

[jeffrey]

That's a pity...I was just getting an idea for a sci-fi thriller involving exploding toilets.
[Crossword clue] Exploding WC uses N instead of oile.
(See?- TNT/ToileT)

[mind the gap]

[Crossword clue] Exploding WC uses N instead of oile.
(See?- TNT/ToileT)

Very good.

Now let's have the other 30. (One clue is not much use by itself, is it?)

[jeffrey]

Very good.

Now let's have the other 30. (One clue is not much use by itself, is it?)
I could tell you the other thirty- but then I'd have to kill you.
I'm Sorry, I haven't a Clue.

[jeffrey]

That's a pity...I was just getting an idea for a sci-fi thriller involving exploding toilets.
Title: "Cisterns are doing it for themselves"?

[islandgirl]

made me feel a bit flushed that one did

[Lawcruncher]

Toilet seat is not a sanitary convenience, unlike bowl/flush/plumbing.

Possibly, but its lack is decidedly inconvenient.

[Bel]

I would incline to the view that a toilet seat is indeed an integral and indispensable feature of the toilet to which it is attached, and in the interests of common sense and good tenant relations, I would replace it at my own expense.



Thanks MTG..so very good of you

Where shall I send the bill?

[mind the gap]

Thanks MTG..so very good of you

Where shall I send the bill?
Ha! Think you missed my use of the conditional tense there!

Actually, you could always try whacking the invoice in to the MPs' Fees Office. Don't expect they'd notice an extra loo seat here or there...

[jeffrey]

Toilet seats cheap if bogof. Or perhaps that's the Govermment Agency, BogOff.

[mind the gap]

I have just checked the Housing Health and Safety Rating guidance for another thread and a toilet seat with closeable lid is specifically listed as one of those things that local authority inspectors should look for when assessing the adequacy of personal hygiene and sanitation arrangements. This doesn't make it compulsory, but it does mean that should the tenant complain to the council they may require one to be fitted.

Ironically, since most toilet lids harbour millions of germs!

[Bel]

I have just checked the Housing Health and Safety Rating guidance for another thread and a toilet seat with closeable lid is specifically listed as one of those things that local authority inspectors should look for when assessing the adequacy of personal hygiene and sanitation arrangements. This doesn't make it compulsory, but it does mean that should the tenant complain to the council they may require one to be fitted.

There is a seat and lid. Do you think the council assessor would actually sit on the seat to test if its too wobbly or not?

[Bel]

Ironically, since most toilet lids harbour millions of germs!

Perhaps I should put in a french style loo.

[Bel]

Only if it is written into his job description!

Nice one!

[jeffrey]

As in another thread re a "Let By" sign that suddenly appeared, here you need a "To(i)Let" sign.

[theartfullodger]

I fear you are all just going through the motions...


Cheers!


Lodger

[Esio Trot]

There is a seat and lid. Do you think the council assessor would actually sit on the seat to test if its too wobbly or not?

No. The assessor would no doubt prefer to sit on a stool. :eek:

[jeffrey]

Refer this to Standing Committee, London WC1.

[banjo]

There is one sold in a well known DIY chain called 'toilet to go' which is very cheap but was obviously never tested - I wonder if yours is that model?

Hmmm - I think we put that toilet in for our tenants :eek: Fingers crossed it's OK.

[jeffrey]

There is one sold in a well known DIY chain called 'toilet to go'.


Hmmm - I think we put that toilet in for our tenants.
So it should be called 'To I Let'.

[garner86]

I have a similar problem in the house I am renting.

It has one of these modern toilets. Unfortunately for me I have exactly the same problem as your tenants.. as soon as a number 2 is due the bloody thing blocks up WITHOUT any toilet paper being used.

I now 'hold it in' till am back in work. Unless am desperate.

on a side note it never blocks for my partner, thus i concluded it doesn't have the capacity to cope with my excrement.

[asquithea]

Eeeew.

:eek:

[mind the gap]

I have a similar problem in the house I am renting.

It has one of these modern toilets. Unfortunately for me I have exactly the same problem as your tenants.. as soon as a number 2 is due the bloody thing blocks up WITHOUT any toilet paper being used.

I now 'hold it in' till am back in work. Unless am desperate.

on a side note it never blocks for my partner, thus i concluded it doesn't have the capacity to cope with my excrement.
Thank you for sharing that with us :rolleyes:

[jeffrey]

Thank you for sharing that with us.
Must be a europhile politician- in the s*** and round the bend.

[mind the gap]

Must be a europhile politician- in the s*** and round the bend.

Really? I thought that's where UKIP hung out!

[jeffrey]

Really? I thought that's where UKIP hung out!
Just shows how wrong you can be.

[mind the gap]

Just shows how wrong you can be.

I would dispute that, Mr Millennium!

[jeffrey]

I would dispute that, Mr Millennium!
Yes, you would!

[mind the gap]

Moderator : please remove this dangerously political thread to TAB under the heading 'Is UKIP like a blocked toilet or not?'. ;)

[jeffrey]

Moderator : please remove this dangerously political thread to TAB.
I agree; but it was you who first mentioned UKIP on this thread- so is it not you who are the danger?

[mind the gap]

I agree; but it was you who first mentioned UKIP on this thread- so is it not you who are the danger?

I do hope so! :)

However, my mention of UKIP was made purely to balance your equally offensive comment (#15) about 'europhile politicians' being 'round the bend and in the ****'...just to put it all in perspective!

[jeffrey]

No, my comment omitted the obscenity.

[mind the gap]

Must be a europhile politician- in the s*** and round the bend.

No, my comment omitted the obscenity.


Nonsense. The use of askerisks is at best coy and at worst pointless, isn't it? Every knows that you intend/mean the word '****' . What else are we expected to make of it?

You can't have it both ways. If you find a word offensive, then please don't use it. If you want to use it, then go ahead and use it, but don't pussyfoot around pretending you haven't. What is the point?

[jeffrey]

LZ house rules prohibit explicit obscenity, much as most newspapers'. What's "offensive" is in the eye of the beholder and therefore irrelevant.

[mind the gap]

LZ house rules prohibit explicit obscenity, much as most newspapers'.

In that case, whoever dreamt up the house rules clearly does not object as strongly as you seem to, to this word, since the LLZ scanner does not insert asterisks automatically, as it does with the word referred to by some people as the f word: ****.

However, that is not the point I was making. You seem to want to have your cake and eat it. You want to be able to swear, but (out of some strange sense of squeaminshness/self censorship/embarrassment/who knows what), you don't want your readers to have to read your obscenities.

[jeffrey]

Clearly it's "clealry" stated. And, in the word "****", isn't there also a mis-spelling?

[mind the gap]

Clearly it's "clealry" stated. And, in the word "****", isn't there also a mis-spelling?

Feeble attempt at a wriggle - you clearly don't want to address the point in question! I recognise the symptoms...

[mind the gap]

LZ house rules prohibit explicit obscenity, much as most newspapers'. What's "offensive" is in the eye of the beholder and therefore irrelevant.

What offends people (or not) clearly is relevant, since the house rules governing obscenities must have been based on some generally accepted notion of what offends some/many/most people, must they not? As you suggest, there is an element of subjectivity here, since the same word will probably not offend everyone. Nonetheless, there must exist in the LLZ collective management brain, a definitive list of 'obscenities' which they will not permit to be printed in full - and the technology does not exist yet to recognise and delete amended versions. (Or of it does, LLZ does not possess it).

Your reasoning loses itself here! The LLZ rules do not, it would seem, consider the word '****' an obscenity. Yet you refer to it as one, and you substitute asterisks for some of its letters whilst making it clear as daylight that '****' is the word you intend people to read, since in the context of U bends and toilets, and people you dislike being 'in the s***', the asterisked version can mean nothing else.

I would be interested to know how offensive/inoffensive other members find it to see the word '****' spelled/printed using the the letters s,h, i and t, as opposed to 's***'. My hunch is

(i) that if people find the world offensive they would prefer not to see it written at all, hence the graphology is immaterial, and that

(ii) if they do not find the word itself offensive, they will see no need to do a Dance of the Seven Veils with it using asterisks and other such nonsense!

I'm sure we will end up continuing this discussion in TAB but other views' would be very welcome!

[jta]

I think Jeffrey meant in the soup, chicken soup of course. :D

[mind the gap]

I think Jeffrey meant in the soup, chicken soup of course. :D

You have studied your Master's (Wriggling) Techniques well, O Pupil!

[John J]

Does this mean the 'Frequently Blocking Toilet' issue has now been successfully addressed?

JJ

[mind the gap]

Does this mean the 'Frequently Blocking Toilet' issue has now been successfully addressed?

JJ
Yes. The conclusion was that, since we are now in the 21st century and it isn't fair to inflict a self-blocking toilet on one's tenants, OP should seek a plumber's opinion as to the cause(s) of the frequent blockages and if necessary replace the offending sanitaryware with something which does routinely not clog itself up. :)

Then we moved on to the even more interesting subject of the word '****'.

Do you have any views on that?

[jta]

This is just another deposit problem. :p

[mind the gap]

This is just another deposit problem.

Another profound thought from the King of Toilet Humour...:rolleyes:

[jeffrey]

Another profound thought from the King of Toilet Humour...
Not a very democratic appointment by you, there. Mind The **ap.

[mind the gap]

Not a very democratic appointment by you, there. Mind The **ap.

Why, did you want the title for yourself? I'm sure jta won't mind if you seize the (ceramic) throne. Loo brushes make good sceptres!

nb How intriguing that you are still using those daft asterisks and you still haven't explained why you do it. Although 'crap' is not a word I would use (NQOC!) I suppose I do have to 'mind' quite a lot of it at times...!

[theartfullodger]

'tsk....

Are you all just going through the motions....??


Cheers!

Lodger

[jeffrey]

You seem to want to have your cake and eat it.
Yes, please; chocolate sponge, preferably. Yum.
Although, in the context of this thread's title, I appreciate that someone will misconstrue that as cacophagic.

[mind the gap]

Yes, please; chocolate sponge, preferably. Yum.
Although, in the context of this thread's title, I appreciate that someone will misconstrue that as cacophagic.

Well, we might, if we knew what it meant. Given its obscurity, I think your anxiety will prove unfounded :rolleyes:

[jeffrey]

It means 'concerning the eating of faeces'. See http://uk.ask.com/web?q=%22cacophagy%22&sm=adv&dm=all&qsrc=196&o=0&l=dir.

[mind the gap]

It means 'the eating of faeces'. See http://uk.ask.com/web?q=%22cacophagy%22&sm=adv&dm=all&qsrc=196&o=0&l=dir.

Dear me. Freud would have had years of research material out of you, Jeffrey :rolleyes:

[jeffrey]

Dear me. Freud would have had years of research material out of you, Jeffrey
Emma, Matthew, or Clement?