Elephants and Heroin

[mind the gap]

An elephant has been successsfully weaned off its heroin addiction by use of a methodone programme. What are the implications of this for BTL landlords?

[Die Burgermeister]

Well now if elephants are gettin heroin what's going to stop the hoodlums destroying Britain getting it???!!!! With this influx of heroin it will surely lead to internal destruction of British society as we know it and this liberal labour government will just allow it with a slap on a wrist all the while us BTL landlords and other tax payers will pick up the bill!

Down with the labour government and let us all join forces with the last sacred British newspaper The Sun I tell you if their writers were in power Britain would be a much better place!

[mind the gap]

Well now if elephants are gettin heroin what's going to stop the hoodlums destroying Britain getting it???!!!! With this influx of heroin it will surely lead to internal destruction of British society as we know it and this liberal labour government will just allow it with a slap on a wrist all the while us BTL landlords and other tax payers will pick up the bill!

Down with the labour government and let us all join forces with the last sacred British newspaper The Sun I tell you if their writers were in power Britain would be a much better place!

Perhaps they would put on free courses for people (and elephants out of rehab too, of course) who cannot punctuate!

[jeffrey]

An elephant has been successsfully weaned off its heroin addiction by use of a methodone programme.
But the elephant has to want to break its habit. At least it's not sharing needles.

[mind the gap]

But the elephant has to want to break its habit. At least it's not sharing needles.

What animals want is a bit of a mystery.

Why should one dog want to eat 17 golf balls?

[jeffrey]

Why should one dog want to eat 17 golf balls?
Because:
a. it missed its tee?
b. it really wanted to eat a birdie?
c. it tried to give its nib a lick, as dogs do like licking their balls?
d. it was just following its Masters?
e. there was a hole in one?
f. it was Peter Woofstenholme?

[I could do this all day, but I'll let you off with six].

[mind the gap]

Because:
a. it missed its tee?
b. it really wanted to eat a birdie?
c. it tried to give its nib a lick, as dogs do like licking their balls?
d. it was just following its Masters?
e. there was a hole in one?
f. it was Peter Woofstenholme?

[I could do this all day, but I'll let you off with six].

Phew. Thank God for that.

(Only joking. Do keep going!)

[jeffrey]

On the topic of eating balls, I know of a snooker player who- every day- ate 15 reds, folowed by some yellows/blues/browns/pinks/blacks.
The doctor advised him that he'd make himself ill, unless he had more greens.

[mind the gap]

On the topic of eating balls, I know of a snooker player who- every day- ate 15 reds, folowed by some yellows/blues/browns/pinks/blacks.
The doctor advised him that he'd make himself ill, unless he had more greens.

Every time, I think to myself, he can't get any worse.

[jeffrey]

Every time, I think to myself, he can't get any worse.
Er, to whom else could one think? We always use the words, "I thought to myself", but...

[mind the gap]

Er, to whom else could one think? We always use the words, "I thought to myself", but...

Well, actually, sometimes I think 'I must feed the cat' and the cat knows instantly what I am thinking. He gets up and gnaws my ankle until I dish out the Felix. So I'm not just thinking it to myself.

[agent46]

Er, to whom else could one think? We always use the words, "I thought to myself", but...

Or when people say, "Me, personally".

Or when tabloid journalists write about a celebrity's "meteoric rise", when IIRC, meteors come crashing down to Earth in flames.

Or when people say "Do you know what I mean?" at the end of every phrase. When particularly peeved I have been known to reply, "Well, given that my IQ is probably at least 75% higher than yours, yes, it is more likely than not that I do know what you mean."

Right that's it - I'm off to write to The Telegraph!

[jeffrey]

Not only those - very common- examples, all true, but try listening to any interview and count the usages of "I think". No-one is confident any more when expressing an opinion or fact- everything must perforce be tentative.

[mind the gap]

Not only those - very common- examples, all true, but try listening to any interview and count the usages of "I think". No-one is confident any more when expressing an opinion or fact- everything must perforce be tentative.


Blame it on the insidious creeping influence of High Rising Tone. Makes everything sound like a question. Nobody's sure of owt any more.

[agent46]

Blame it on the insidious creeping influence of High Rising Tone. Makes everything sound like a question. Nobody's sure of owt any more.

I blame the Australians and the west coast Yanks. I actually quite like Australians, so I think I want the Yanks to carry the can for this. Yep, that's decided then - it's all their fault.

As the Grim Reaper sighs in exasperation in "The Meaning of Life", "F***ing Americans".

[jeffrey]

west coast Yanks.
Remember that the Yankees were the Union (northern states) against the Confederacy (southern states); I wasn't aware that east/west were factors.

Also odd that it was the Democrats who supported slavery yet have a non-white Presidential candidate; whereas the Republicans who didn't don't.

[jeffrey]

Remember that the Yankees were the Union (northern states) against the Confederacy (southern states); I wasn't aware that east/west were factors.

Also odd that it was the Democrats who supported slavery yet have a non-white Presidential candidate; whereas the Republicans who didn't don't.
More (today!) on this topic, newsworthy as it's the 150th anniversary of the US Civil War's start:
see http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-13040351 re 'How the USA remains divided'.

The night they drove old Dixie down? http://uk.ask.com/web?qsrc=1&o=0&l=dir&q=The+night+they+drove+old+Dixie+down&dm=all

[leaseholdanswers]

Remember that the Yankees were the Union (northern states) against the Confederacy (southern states); I wasn't aware that east/west were factors.

Also odd that it was the Democrats who supported slavery yet have a non-white Presidential candidate; whereas the Republicans who didn't don't.

There is of course no such thing as a "west coast yank" for the reasons stated, and that California was not part of the Union until 1850 and were neither confederate or Yankee.

OMG :eek:

And the Canadians have the charming Ayh?! at the end of a sentence.

[leaseholdanswers]

(and) "I thought to myself"

What a wonderful world?

If we see pink elephants, did it see pink people?

[jeffrey]

If we see pink elephants, did it see pink people?
No, tusk tusk. That'd surely be racial discrimination. The elephant would be in deep s***
(which might not be an uncommon experience for the pachyderm).

[mind the gap]

What a wonderful world?

If we see pink elephants, did it see pink people?

Did what see pink people? (What's 'it', please?)

[jeffrey]

Did what see pink people? (What's 'it', please?)
Information
Technology?